When it rains…
So, the parade of fail started this morningâ€“
Well, actually it started around 10 last night, when the TV suddenly decided that the reds needed to really fucking red, and why not shade the whites a nice pink as well. It’s a projection TV, and I am its third owner.
Half an hour after that started, I had it lookingâ€¦ less reddish. Not fixed. Just less fucked.
My morning starts with the fiancÃ©e waking me up with news that the coffee maker isn’t working. To be fair, my alarm had been going off for 45 minutes, because it’s set under the assumption that I’ll be going to bed at least an hour an a half before I really did last night. So, down I go, bypassing my ritual shower followed by my ritual coffee, and I’m trying to debug lo-tech in my boxers. Super.
Have I mentioned I don’t function well without coffee? Like a good rule of thumb in the house is: the sole question you’re advised to ask me before/during my first cup of coffee in the morning is, “Shawn, can I get you some more coffee”?
Turns out the water sensor is retarded. I knew this bastard would bite me in the end. The biggest downside to my coffee maker is the water sensor. What it’s supposed to do is not make coffee if there’s no water in the reservoir, which sort of makes sense. It doesn’t want to burn up anything, lest you set the timer, forget to fill it with water the night before, and sleep in for four hours while your coffee maker apparently will burn the house to the ground. Fine, I get that. However, here’s the downside. Say you’re in the middle of a pot of coffee, and the phone rings: you need to jump in the car and help deactivate a bomb under your favorite pub. Shouldn’t take more than an hour. You think, “okay, I’ll just turn off the coffee maker and when I come back, I’ll turn it back on to reheat the rest of the pot.”
Nope. Can’t do that without putting more water in the reservoir, because the sensor will know it’s empty, which means making more coffee or â€“ yetch â€“ nuking the current batch.
This morning, the water sensor decided to malfunction. This doesn’t mean stop working in the sense that it doesn’t give a shit if you have water in the coffee maker or not. This means, no matter how much water is or isn’t in the bastard, it thinks the well is dry, and fuck you, no coffee.
Have I mentioned I haven’t even peed yet, while I’m figuring all this out?
Heat up the kettle. We’re using the French press. I’ll deal with this when I get home.
Now I’m running late. Get it together, jump in the car, don’t take the highway for fear that:
- something horrible will fail in the car. It’s old, and running okay, but at this rate of tech failure, I don’t want to tempt that fate.
- some asshole will do something horrible to my car while I’m going 65 to work.
Round the bend to park at the office, and get a call. The partner is working from home after all. Which means I’m in an office of one, just like if I had stayed at home. Sigh.
Well, at least I have a coffee maker here that works. So far.
Image source: Shannon Wheeler