my first thoughts since I left the house
Theory: the number of Jesus stickers on one car is directly proportional to how much crappier the car’s driver is than everyone else.
Y’know, if God was my co-pilot, I’d be pushing 150 and I’d never stop for one fucking red light.
5 thoughts on “my first thoughts since I left the house”
I believe we observed that in high school. I think it’s because they’re convinced that as a Christian they have a blank friggin’ check to drive like a jackoff because they’re in so good with the invisible man in the sky.
Hey, I don’t know if your email is up or down, so what are doing tonight before Bowie?
No shit, man. I saw a ’82 Chevette covered in primer and belching smoke from the exhaust that had a “Yes Lord, we will ride with you” sticker on it. My first thought was, “How in the hell are you gonna keep up with Him in that?”
Yeah, but they don’t use that blank check, and drive slow as balls instead. My new theory is that since Jesus stickers essentially bear the weight of God, each sticker slows down their fucking Astrovans by 10 mph. Five Jesus stickers, and you’d have to get all 19 of your inbred children to stand on the gas pedal just to get it to roll down the hill of the Walmart parking lot.
That’s priceless. What the hell kind of chariot is God driving these days, an AMC Gremlin?