Rumsfeld Proves Iraq Vastly Improving
From today’s Associated Press:
Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld stated today at a press conference from the Pentagon that the death rate for American troops in Iraq has plummeted drastically.
â€œ105 American troops died in October. Thatâ€™s a little more than three a day, or one every seven hours or so. But yesterday [November 1], the first American soldier wasnâ€™t recorded dead until 9:30 a.m. Thatâ€™s barely two a day. So, clearly at that rate, our troops will stop dying, reverse the curve and start repopulating the Middle East with good white Christian children by New Yearsâ€™. So everyone can just back off and stop worrying about Iraq. Itâ€™s complicated, but itâ€™s already improving. So the next person who asks about the â€˜planâ€™ can just shut the fuck up.â€
When asked about the consistent death rate of Iraqis, Secretary Rumsfeld said, â€œLook, Iraq doesnâ€™t even count their dead, which tells me that either they aren’t dying or the Iraqi government doesnâ€™t care. And if theyâ€™re not dying and they donâ€™t care, then why are you people pestering me with this? I just proved to you that weâ€™re saving American lives, and you keep insisting on asking me questions about people that havenâ€™t died that no one cares about. You people just need to back off. This is complicated. And the next person who asks me about the â€˜planâ€™ is getting their nuts wired to a car horn, which I can legally do now, because itâ€™s legal now, not that it wasnâ€™t legal before.â€