Celebrating Accomplished Missions for THREE Years!

I can’t resist, and apparently the ABC and the AP can’t anymore either. Just a few select sections from one article.

Here’s more or less the reason the article is written, but there’s so much more.

President Bush marked the anniversary of the Iraq war Sunday by touting the efforts to build democracy there and avoiding any mention of the daily violence that rages three years after he ordered an invasion. The president didn’t utter the word “war.” Bush did not mention the insurgent attacks, the car bombs or the mounting Iraqi deaths in a two-minute statement to reporters outside the White House after returning from a weekend at Camp David.

Oh, and by the way, the third anniversary of the “beginning of the liberation of Iraq” is going so well, that…

The White House is trying to remind the disapproving public of Bush’s vision for Iraq with a public relations blitz. The president plans to give a series of speeches on Iraq, beginning Monday in Cleveland.

Brace yourself, probably my favorite part:

On Sunday, Vice President Dick Cheney did not express any regret for predicting in the days before the invasion that U.S. troops would be greeted as liberators or his assessment 10 months ago that the insurgency was in its “last throes.” On the contrary, he said the optimistic statements “were basically accurate, reflect reality.”

Evidently, the vice president’s doctors have added to his heart medications some of “the good shit.”

In an interview on CBS’ “Face the Nation,” Cheney flatly rejected a statement made earlier Sunday by Iraq’s former interim prime minister that the increasing attacks killing dozens each day across his country can only be described as a civil war.

“What the fuck does he know?” Cheney asked. “He’s just some middle-management foreigner. We’re watching the last throes from the greatest surveillance satellites available. I can watch basically accurate reflecting last throes seven thousand miles away from my desk.”

Instead, Cheney described the violence as the actions of terrorists who have “reached a stage of desperation.”

Translated into the reality that everyone outside the White House is using: by “terrorists,” he meant only all of the Sunnis and Shiites fighting each other. And by “desperation,” he meant “uncontrollable conflict”.

“What we’ve seen is a serious effort by them to foment a civil war,” Cheney said. “But I don’t think they’ve been successful.”

Translated again, by “foment” he meant “sow the fucking seeds for”. And by “successful” he meant, “successful of thinking of a better way to coexist with a religious conflict that defies imagination but could only be controlled by a dictator threatening to kill all of them.”

Cheney blamed the negative perception on news coverage of the daily violence instead of the progress being made toward democracy.
“There is a constant sort of perception, if you will, that’s created because what’s newsworthy is the car bomb in Baghdad,” the vice president said. “It’s not all the work that went on that day in 15 other provinces.”

Yeah right? I mean, how many people remember that farmer in Nebraska who grew like that insane fucking pumpkin back in September a couple years ago? No one. Not even the local paper came out to take a photo. But try finding a newspaper from that day without some big ol’ buildings in New York City with exploding planes sticking out of them. The liberal media just focuses on the negative all the time.

Okay, I’m done with the Cheney reality translator, but two more sections I have to put in, because someone at the AP’s starting to get a little fed up: these paragraphs appeared back to back in each instance.

Rumsfeld urged Americans to continue supporting the fight and said he believes history will show that the terrorists were defeated.
In a New York Times column, retired Gen. Paul D. Eaton, who was in charge of training the Iraqi military from 2003-2004, called the defense secretary “incompetent strategically, operationally and tactically, and is far more responsible for what has happened to our important mission in Iraq. Mr. Rumsfeld must step down.”

And here’s the finale:

Nearly three years ago Bush announced the end to major combat in Iraq.
Last week, U.S. forces launched Operation Swarmer, described by the Pentagon as the biggest air assault since April.

Ah, good times. Good. Fucking. Times.

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