Governor unleashes mystical warrior hobgoblin

From the Gainesville Sun:

After more than an hour of solemn ceremony naming Rep. Marco Rubio, R-West Miami, as the 2007-08 House speaker, Gov. Jeb Bush stepped to the podium in the House chamber last week and told a short story about “unleashing Chang,” his “mystical warrior” friend.

Here are Bush’s words, spoken before hundreds of lawmakers and politicians:
”Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

”I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.”

Bush then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

”I’m going to bestow to you the sword of a great conservative warrior,” he said, as the crowd roared.

When called for comment and further explanations into the mystery of this “Chang”, Governor Bush was said to be unavailable. However, reports say witnesses have seen him jumping around the Governor’s mansion late at night, swinging a sword and wearing only a pair of white briefs and a tie wrapped around his head. A source, who wished to not be identified, claimed Bush was “cutting the couch to shreds” and screaming for his compatriots, Chang and a hitherto unidentified person named Harvey, to join him in killing long-time archnemesis Keyser Soze.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *