Hrm. I keep telling myself that I need to post something, that I have a kernel of something or other to discuss, but alas, theyâ€™re just random kernels. Iâ€™ve somehow been extremely busy and accomplishing nothing simultaneously. So at the expense of my reputation as a cogent and brilliant writer, an ability which currently exists I believe in a garment bag somewhere in my attic, Iâ€™m just going to prattle on about my merry miscellaneous thoughts.
America is going swimmingly. Where the five weeks of rehearsal went, I donâ€™t know, but there was definitely something wonderful about a sold out standing ovation at the end of opening night. The unspeakable question of comedy (Is any of this shit even funny?) was resoundingly answered in the affirmative.
In the past week, I have been hit in the face with a pie four times, done three local television interviews and one for radio, had my name and face plastered all over every local newspaper several times, and performed for three sold-out audiences. Yâ€™know, the usual.
Alright, thatâ€™s bullshit, thereâ€™s nothing usual about it, but somehow it feelsâ€¦ usual. I would like to think thereâ€™s something glamorous or at least envious about being summoned to talk to the media, but there isnâ€™t. If you asked me a few years ago, I probably would have shat a golden eggroll, or at least an aluminum facsimile, but that was a few years ago. Itâ€™s like Dave Foley said, by the time something good happens in show business, youâ€™ve gone through so much shit that you donâ€™t even care or notice when it does happen.
Did I just say Iâ€™m in show business?
Moving right along.
Looks like Bush is replacing the worst person since Joe McCarthy with the worst person since Hermann Goering for Attorney General. Just when you thought the position couldnâ€™t be filled any worseâ€¦. The shit people get away with, I swear.
Are flags still half-mast? If they are, we need to cut that shit out. Yes, I know: tsunami, tragic, devastating â€“ I agree with all that. But the flags at half-mast donâ€™t prove or solve anything. Half the reason theyâ€™re down is because our dipshit president didnâ€™t have the couth, class, or civility to acknowledge the tsunami for at least three days. Maybe Iâ€™m wrong, but our flag has been half mast during Wâ€™s administration more than I can remember during any other stretch of time. Sure, September 11 was a legitimate reason, but then when Reagan croaked, we had to â€œmournâ€ the fucker for like a month. He was mentally dead for thirty years, and spiritually dead since he got into politics, but once we had to bury the crook, we had to canonize him. Now, weâ€™re dropping the flag for something that didnâ€™t even happen to our country. I thought half-mast was a major deal even for a day. Iâ€™m shooting off the hip here, but Iâ€™ll bet that flagâ€™s been down more since W. first got elected than the cumulative half-masts during World War II.
Two more things about the tsunami:
For those who defended Bushâ€™s actions regarding the tsunami, fuck you.
For those who lambasted the countryâ€™s financial donations, the U.S. donates larger than any other nation in the world, and most of that is from private organizations (e.g. United Way). Also, when it comes to international situations, strangely the U.S. handles things completely opposite from domestic policy; instead of throwing money at something, the U.S. is usually the one to donate action and things like military ships and personnel. We are in many ways the worldâ€™s largest fire department. And if you think thatâ€™s the U.N.â€™s job, Iâ€™d like to refer you to a little place called Sudan.
So now that the electionâ€™s over, itâ€™s safe to admit, â€œHey, thought there were WMD in Iraq. Oops. Looks like we were just on a wild witch hunt.â€ So, um, if anyoneâ€™s taking requests, can we invade Miami next? I realize itâ€™s not technically a foreign nation, but it smells worse than most, no one there speaks English, everyone there is brown, and Iâ€™ll bet dollars to pesos that there are plenty of things that people hide down there that can cause mass destruction. I promise we canâ€™t leave the place anymore fucked up than it already is.
Yes, I know a lot of this is bordering on old news, but itâ€™s the crap thatâ€™s been floating around my head since New Yearâ€™s.
Iâ€™d like to say Iâ€™ve been lurking, but I havenâ€™t. I donâ€™t know what the hell Iâ€™ve been doing, other than performing in a hit show and contemplating the albatross around my neck that has the word unemployment written on it. Iâ€™d like to say Iâ€™ve been doing something about it, but I havenâ€™t. Just contemplating.
I think thatâ€™s it for now. I may have a part two to my recent random reflections in the near future. You can hardly wait, I know it.