Who’da thought going to the dentist could be so much fun?

A little back-story: I hate the dentist. I mean with a fear. I really have a serious problem with people sticking pointy metal things into my gums and teeth. I can’t even watch it on TV. Even conversations about teeth make me really nervous, and I usually change the subject quickly. Couple that with the fact that I’ve always had one thing or the other screwed up with my teeth – always, which has actually led to my fear/hatred of all things dental. I even get minor anxiety attacks just calling the office, which leads to my story.

1030 am – call the dentist, get put on hold, get disconnected.

1032 am – call back, the woman has to take my info down and call me because they’re uber busy.

1 pm – call the dentist that never called me back. Get stupid long voicemail about how the office is out to lunch. Wait for a beep, and get a Spanish version of the really long voicemail. Conclude it’s just a recording, there is no option to leave a message and hang up.

3 pm – call the dentist. Their computers were down, hence the hold up. Tell them I need an appointment. Yes, it is a really long time since I’ve been there. Yes, I have different insurance now (yes, I have insurance for the first time in two years). What’s my appointment for? A broken molar. Does it hurt? Not yet. When would I like to come in? How about as soon as fucking possible. 2 pm tomorrow? Super.

3:30 pm get a call from the dentist. My new insurance isn’t a PPO, it’s indemnity, and it only covers preventative for the first 6 months, then it covers additional stuff, and any major stuff, like, say, a broken molar, is covered after April 2007. The person at the insurance co has brainwashed them that this is fact. It isn’t, and I know it.

3:35 pm frantically call my HR person to find out 1) if there’s some mysterious hitherto unknown waiting period on my coverage and 2) what my level of insurance is. It doesn’t say anywhere on my card what I’m paying for, and I’m wondering if there was a clerical error when I signed up. (I signed up for the best dental I could get because I know better. I’d kind of like to get what I’m paying for and not insurance that only covers a lecture to brush between meals.)

3:45 pm Finally get a hold of said HR person. She doesn’t know what the hell the dentist’s office is talking about and will call the insurance company.

3:50 pm Turns out the insurance rep doesn’t know what the hell the dentist’s office is talking about either. For what it’s worth, this dentist’s office has always had their shit together, so they’re relying on info from an idiot at the insurance co. I also find out I do indeed have the insurance plan I’m paying for.

4 pm Through a pass the buck e-mail communication, I send the rep my dentist’s contact info (which I copied and pasted from their website of network dentists), so she can call them and straighten this out. I am happy.

4:50 pm Call the dentist office. They haven’t gotten a call yet. I am not happy.

9 am Get an e-mail from the rep. (Yay.) She forwarded the dentist info to a claims supervisor who will call the dentist office. (Boo.)

10 am E-mail the rep and ask if this is like, a y’know, priority, because I’d kind of like this fucking handled before I, like, go to my 2 pm appt of pain.

11 am Call dentist office. They haven’t gotten a call, and I haven’t gotten a response from the rep.

11:05 Call rep directly. Get voicemail. I ask if they can step it up or put me in touch with the claims supervisor directly.

12:50 pm Still haven’t gotten a response from the insurance company. Call the dentist office. They haven’t gotten a call yet. Tell them I’m going to have to reschedule. She tells me she’ll call me when they hear from the insurance company, and to call them if I don’t hear from them by Tuesday.

1 pm Thoroughly ready for a drink.

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