No! He canâ€™t leave now! We were just having fun!
A sad, sad day indeed for comedy and political junkies around the world. The great boob, Scott McClellan, is resigning his post as White House Press Secretary. It looks like we have only the Child President and maybe the occasional attempted manslaughter by the Big Dick to rely upon for our humor brought directly from the White House.
For those who donâ€™t know, McClellan was a special kind of Press Secretary. See, normally, the job requires the dispensing of bullshit unparalleled by any other position in the world, the kind that in any other form would mandate giant hoses, hydraulic pumps and the sorts of wind producing mechanisms used on the set of a movie about natural disasters. Thatâ€™s normally. By normally, Iâ€™m talking the kind of slinging required for a Clinton or a Reagan. “Normally” is a tsunami of fucking lies.
Now add what it must take to summon the balls, the stupidity, the absurdity to lie for George W. Bush! Thatâ€™s like parting a red sea full of feces! LIKE TWICE A DAY! That was Scott McClellanâ€™s job.
But that wasnâ€™t Scott McClellan. Scott took a unique angle. Scott made press meetings look like the Argument Room sketch from Monty Python. I mean, you really couldnâ€™t tell if he was using the White Houseâ€™s twisted faulted logic to defend itself, or if he really was that brain damaged and just kind of accidentally epitomized the mentality coming out of the West Wing. Heâ€™s like one of those skiers or ballet dancers who just made it all look so easy and effortless. If the mentally retarded were trying to be mentally retarded, Scott McClellan would be their God!
In Scottâ€™s defense, his retirement isnâ€™t a surprise. Even during aforementioned â€œnormalâ€ circumstances, a White House press secretary only has a shelf life of about 2-3 years. Itâ€™s an exhausting job, all that shoveling, and even Charles Manson would start to question his conscience after doing the job for a few months. So, donâ€™t think this is part of the great alleged shakeup that isnâ€™t really happening at the White House. This is par.
But it is sad. The world has lost a great spirit in American humor indeed.
At least until he gets a talk show on cable news.