War on WAR™

We need a War on WAR™. Not wars like that Nintendo game gone miserably wrong in Iraq. I mean these bullshit holy wars on abstract notions that will never go away. LBJ’s War on Poverty™. Reagan’s War on Drugs™. Dipshit’s War on Terrorism™. It’s a thousand year old fighting tactic. If it weren’t for terrorism, we’d still be British for fucksake. But you can’t say no to it. It’s a helluva flag to fly, a blank check mandated by God. You know it, I know it. Anyone with a clue knows it. It’s all bullshit. In fact, that’s really what my War on WAR™ is: bullshit. But a War on Bullshit can’t be declared on a front page, at least not without some asterisks or underscores or something so that everyone can read the word Bullshit without having to actually read the word Bullshit. Besides, a War on WAR™ has such a great ring to it.

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