War on WARâ„¢
We need a War on WARâ„¢. Not wars like that Nintendo game gone miserably wrong in Iraq. I mean these bullshit holy wars on abstract notions that will never go away. LBJâ€™s War on Povertyâ„¢. Reaganâ€™s War on Drugsâ„¢. Dipshitâ€™s War on Terrorismâ„¢. Itâ€™s a thousand year old fighting tactic. If it werenâ€™t for terrorism, weâ€™d still be British for fucksake. But you canâ€™t say no to it. Itâ€™s a helluva flag to fly, a blank check mandated by God. You know it, I know it. Anyone with a clue knows it. Itâ€™s all bullshit. In fact, thatâ€™s really what my War on WARâ„¢ is: bullshit. But a War on Bullshit canâ€™t be declared on a front page, at least not without some asterisks or underscores or something so that everyone can read the word Bullshit without having to actually read the word Bullshit. Besides, a War on WARâ„¢ has such a great ring to it.