• Mar. 9, 2004
• By Shawn
• In Politics
• 3 Comments
• 0

WASHINGTON – Doctors have discovered another medical obstacle between Attorney General John Ashcroft and good health. Ashcroft was originally hospitalized for gallstone removal, but further tests concluded that his gallbladder would have to be removed. Now, Doctors are struggling with that surgery.

The problem stems primarily from an obstacle that could impede doctors completely. “His head’s shoved so far up his ass, I don’t know if we can get to the gallbladder,” said Dr. Bruce Abell, who is performing the procedure.

The obstruction of the head by way of the rectum has presented quite a poseur for physicians at George Washington University Hospital.

“We’re considering pulling the head out. The problem with that is that it’s been up there for so long, I don’t know if it could survive our atmosphere once it was unstuck. It’s wedged in there pretty good. We’d have an easier time getting [Luciano] Pavarotti out of a wetsuit.”

Doctors were calling local towing companies with industrial-class tow trucks for advice at the time of press.