A thousand points of crap
On Wednesday, the Child President declared a big space initiative estimated at $12 billion, that will put a space station on the moon and all kinds of other optimistic stellar goodness.
Now, before I begin, let it be known that I have always been a huge proponent of space exploration. Sci-fi surrounded me growing up. My JFK moment is easily the Challenger disaster of â€™86. (By the way, “JFK moment” is a term Iâ€™ve created, a benchmark for an indelible moment in time. It refers to the now classic question of “where were you when JFK was shot?” My parents obviously have the JFK moment. My grandparents may have Pearl Harbor or VJ Day, or even JFK. Younger generations obviously have Sept. 11. For many in my generation, our first JFK moment was when the Challenger blew up.) So, all that said, Iâ€™m a big fan of space stuff. I think NASA has been horribly and unfairly mismanaged and left by the wayside for decades. Iâ€™ve been watching the recent Mars explorations as much as possible. You get the idea.
That said, the Child Presidentâ€™s declarations for an initiative to step up space exploration is, in a word, horseshit.
First, “Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.” Goddamn this is getting old. Itâ€™s officially election year. Weâ€™re around the corner from the State of the Union. So what does Monkeyfucker, jr. do? Thatâ€™s right: same thing as Monkeyfucker, sr. around the same time in his administration. They both threw out the same old bait. Something no one can say is bad, because, letâ€™s face it, space exploration is cool. It looks great. Americans are by heredity the ultimate explorers, boldly going and so on. Who can say no?
Oh yeah, Congress. Well, theyâ€™re just a bunch of party poopers. “Whatâ€™dya mean I never did anything great as President? I had this whole plan that would put me in history books as the great space president. Itâ€™s not my fault they pulled the plug. Iâ€™m a visionary. Theyâ€™re huge assholes. So vote for me and fuck them.”
Think Iâ€™m wrong? Whenâ€™s the last time this guy talked about space programs? A defense secretary could talk about Star Wars to this guy, and Bush would think heâ€™s talking about the movie. The last time this guy noticed stars was most likely when he woke up outside a frat house after a night of blow and g&tâ€™s, probably with his pants around his ankles. Visionary my ass.
Second, much like during Monkeyfucker, sr.â€™s term, internal affairs have been abandoned, neglected, and mistreated at best. There are a whole bunch of lobbyists screaming at Congressmen for money. Simply, our economy sucks. The fucking deficit is fucking $500 billion! But weâ€™re going to pull $12 billion from… someoneâ€™s ass, I guess? Or, if some sources are true, $11 billion of that estimate will be pulled from other current NASA projects, like the international space station. So weâ€™re going to end $11 billion in space programming, and so we can create $11 billion in other space programming. Huh?
Third, last I heard (and I could be wrong), more human feet have walked on the surface of the moon than the deepest part of the earthâ€™s oceans. 75% of the planet is covered in water. Most of this planet – loaded with water – hasnâ€™t even been explored, and weâ€™re currently riveted beyond belief with a place that may have once had water to see if it may have once had life forms that donâ€™t exist anymore. Is this making sense to anyone? We donâ€™t even know what exists on half of the fucking ball we live on. Consider scientific advances with kelp alone. Now consider the loads of potential discoveries. As I write, some fish could be fucking another fish and creating the cure for cancer, but weâ€™ll apparently never know, because Jacques Cousteau was just some crusty old frog who never used a light saber. Weâ€™re not interested, because we donâ€™t know that thereâ€™s something to be interested in.
Four, and hereâ€™s where it gets fun, according to Slate, todayâ€™s Washington Post “fronts a piece detailing how U.S. aerospace and energy industries… stand to make billions of dollars as a result of president Bush’s space initiative.” It gets better. In 2000, a scientific “adviser helped write an article discussing the usefulness of Mars research for the oil and gas industries.” Guess where the adviser was from. Go ahead, guess.
Halliburton. Does a fucking day go by in this administration where something doesnâ€™t point to these assholes? For anyone out there who has all sorts of grand conspiracies about Masons, or the Vatican, or the Gettyâ€™s or whoever really, secretly rules the world, fold your cards. Itâ€™s apparently Halliburton.
Hereâ€™s something you may not know: global oil production has hit the plateau. Itâ€™s over. It will never peak again. In 40 years, there will be no more new oil. We have loads of it barreled and capped in wells, but new oil = done. Itâ€™s literally a matter of time before we HAVE to use alternate energies. We should be using them anyway. But weâ€™re not. Why? Because fucking Halliburton, previously headed by that medieval assjackal Dick Cheney, wants to start going to other planets to drill for oil. This is somehow smarter than investing in r&d for better, cleaner, more efficient energy sources. This is the logic (sic) behind your presidentâ€™s great space initiative.
Someone can shoot John Lennon. Someone can shoot Bobby Kennedy. Someone can shoot Gandhi. Why canâ€™t… never mind, Iâ€™m not even going there.